And Then There Was One

I’m taking some time to process and sort the feelings that can be overwhelming and the thoughts that can be heartbreaking when faced with a tragedy. I do that best through words, although not always spoken words for everyone to hear. But, written words that may never be read. 

And Then There Was One 

When I entered this world, I had 4 men that would have the most impact on my life until I married. I had a father and three older brothers. As of Wednesday, there is only 1 left. I’m thankful I was not alone when I got the news. I’m thankful that family reached out to me and tried to help get me there for the service that will take place next week.

Although, I’m very sad about my brother’s passing, I do take comfort in the fact that he’s no longer suffering or in pain. I cannot imagine the weight of grief his wife and daughters, as well as my oldest brother, his best friend is feeling. Due to circumstances that no longer seem to matter he chose not talk with me in over a decade. I’m not suggesting if we had talked things would be different, but we all think we have more time to fix things, yet sometimes we don’t.  

After the friends that were with me Wednesday night left and the phone calls were done, I took the time to write something I’d like to share.  My brother battled depression for many, many years. He lost his battle and my heart breaks to think he believed there was only one way out of pain. I know I’m in no way alone in this situation or these thoughts and feelings. I’m choosing to share this because someone may need to read it and take comfort in knowing you’re not alone. 

I am also choosing to remember him the way I knew him so many years ago. He was funny, but shy. He rarely talked much at large family gatherings, but when one on one he talked about many things. He taught me so much through the season we worked on daddy’s crew. His laugh was one of joy. He adored his wife and daughters. He loved his grandson very much. He was a man of faith through some of the most unbelievable tragedies that began when he lost his mother as a very young boy.  

My memories of my father, the youngest older brother and now the middle older brother will stay with me for the rest of my life. I’m hoping the relationship I have with my oldest brother will continue no matter what lay ahead for either of us. I was blessed to be loved by great men in my young life. I’m going to focus on all they taught me as I go through the rest of my life. Rest in peace Dennis. 

Sometimes 

Sometimes you want to cry and fall to your knees. 
Sometimes you want to kick, scream and shout. 
Sometimes you look up and see the forest and the tree. 
Sometimes you don’t believe there’s a way out. 

Sometimes you lack a voice to share your pain. 
Sometimes you make the choice to not explain. 


Sometimes you are smiling and doing your best. 
Sometimes you are far off and very hard to reach. 
Sometimes you are funny and caring, more than the rest. 
Sometimes you take the time to help and teach. 


Sometimes you lack a voice to share your pain. 
Sometimes you make the choice to not explain. 


Sometimes I will think of you and feel frustrated and sad. 
Sometimes I will think of you and be grateful for what we had. 

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