Beginning last Wednesday, I started battling powerful negative feelings. Mostly disappointment, sadness, anger and depression. I’ve fought these negative feelings and more throughout my life, but these past few days, they genuinely have felt worse. They intensified on the way home from my rare but permitted walks.
I was not able to walk all the way home. Thankful, Al picked me up and got me home after my morning outing ended suddenly and painfully with severe stomach issues. On Thursday, there was so much chatter locally and news of deaths and global issues, I was very saddened with everything I read. Then Friday morning I was up extra early and ready to go for my walk to the store. Unfortunately, it started to rain, and the mist was very heavy. So, I was again very disappointed I didn’t get to walk. With total quarantine here throughout the weekend, it would be Monday before I could try again.
I did some basic stretching exercises and made my self a great lunch to cheer me up. Not a “get it done and cleaned up” lunch, but one just for me, with colors, that took prep time and cooking. It was delicious. I then began working on my loaner puzzle and did a bit of coloring. I desperately needed to do something I could control. I needed to do anything I could see progress on, and decide how much time and effort I wanted to invest in it daily. For the moment, it helped. Saturday, I felt very weighed down and useless in many ways. So I did very little.
Sunday was Mother’s Day. It was a very different Mother’s Day, indeed. This was my second Mother’s Day not living near my children. I truly don’t like that reality, but it is what it is sometimes.
I had no plan, expected nothing out of the usual routine. However, I awoke to a lovely message from my middle daughter. Throughout the day, I received other messages of love and encouragement. I truly appreciated all of them. I texted with family and was thankful for all communication.
My son video connected with me (he rarely calls or video messages for anything) and played a song for me on his new (to be restored and sold) baby grand piano. It was beautiful. My daughter’s messages to me were heartfelt and very uplifting. The fur babies had spent days piling up the gifts I picked up in the yard. They are so very sweet to give mom 5 pounds of shit on Mother’s Day!
Al prepared our dinner, meaning he had great food delivered. Later in the evening, my daughter connected with me through a video chat, and we laughed a bit. We also discussed her upcoming virtual graduation from college, that we will not be there for, but will find a way to watch. So I’ll admit my Mother’s Day wasn’t typical, yet, I suspect that was true for many families worldwide celebrating on that day.
I needed all those texts, calls, and messages to help lift this heavy dark cloud that looms over my head and heart. I’m very thankful and blessed to have received them. With so much sadness, grief and utter disappointment during this time, anything that uplifts a heart and soul is welcome.
This past Monday morning I once again was able to walk to town. I was out walking for over an hour; it truly felt terrific. No matter where and from what you are finding your encouragement and heart uplifting moments, I genuinely hope you share them with others. So many are struggling in every way through these challenging times. I hear it, I read it, I understand, I feel it too, and all I have to offer anyone……. this too shall pass, until it does hug, laugh, and smile whenever you are able.
Please look for a reason to smile or laugh today and share it with others. There are plenty of reasons to gripe, hide, complain, and lash out in every way. There are also plenty of reasons to smile, hope, reach out, help, encourage one another. No one gets out of this life alive, but many can get out of their terrible emotional funk and live better today if those of us that receive the love, light and hope, share it.
Yesterday my friends that have become family text group was also very helpful. We were communicating about how we felt during this time and I was able to communicate with many others. I even spent over an hour on the phone actually talking and not texting. It truly lifted my spirits. Today I got my morning hour of walk time and Al finally scored a pork roast for me to man’s for dinner. I love chicken, but not every day.
On my walk into town today I was greeted with beautiful colors and rare sites. I passed two people bottle feeding young calves. The mango, citrus and banana trees are loaded. To me its the signs of abundance and hope. Flowers are blooming, rain is nourishing them, fruit trees are full and it reminds me, no matter what life goes on and will be full again someday.
These days it is so easy to become downcast and discouraged. Just a few minutes looking at the news can be terrifying and heart breaking. The only thing I can do, and hope others do to, is to intentionally look for the good, the hope and abundance as I walk through these days. For me I need more colorful surroundings, words of encouragement and hope.
I’m guessing I’m not alone in that need. So when I see something (colorful, encouraging or just plain funny) I need to say something, sharing with others a tiny glimmer of light and hope at the end of this very dark scary tunnel.
Here are some pictures from my walks