Lordy, I Need to Check Myself

The last few days have had so many miscommunications or misunderstandings that I’m not sure I should even write or post anything today. 🤐 I like to think I’m an effective communicator, but sometimes things are lost in the translation, or a tone changes my intent, or a text that doesn’t translate sarcasm, or I’m being a jerk. All of those have happened lately. 🤦‍♀️

A few days ago, I texted my son and stated, “check yourself.” Meaning, is the advice your giving to benefit yourself or the person you are advising, what are your motives, or are you being hypocritical?

Well, after reviewing my other texts back and forth I too had to check my own self. My rebellious nature popped out. My frustrated spirit jumped in and took over.  After rereading through things, I had a choice to make. 🤔I chose to apologize and admit I was being a jerk. Knee jerk responses in anger, frustration or defensiveness are never pretty or kind.

Last night I asked my husband a question. He became very defensive and it didn’t go well. Today, after he had time to process and sleep, he apologized and acknowledged that he didn’t receive my inquiry in the spirit it was intended.

This morning I received a text that I found a bit confusing. The events that were discussed were apparently very different than my perception of them to another person. Because I only processed it from my perspective, I truly didn’t understand what went wrong. 🤷‍♀️ Again, misunderstandings that at times can lead to hurt feelings.

This morning Al had to leave for a few days. I found myself oddly sad and a bit afraid. 😥 Why? We’ve been a part for months before when needed. Why was I upset this time? Although I wanted to reach out to my family and friends to discuss it, I figured I better leave it alone to avoid another miscommunication. So, I reached out to a private group I’m a part of and asked for input. Basically, has this ever happened to anyone else? When there is no rationale reason for the feelings you’re having, yet you are having them what do you do? Then I took a little walk.

I went down a path I have never been down before. The scenery was as always lovely. A couple dogs startled me, and I noticed how jumpy I was feeling. Then a couple on their porch let me know about another path when I came to a dead end. It was too much for my knees to take that path, but I thanked them for letting me know. As I was making my way home it became clearer that this time Al being gone was different and it was normal for me to feel the way I did.

I’ve never been in a foreign country by myself without my family. I have great friends that have become family, but I will spend a lot of time alone. I don’t drive, so although I have scheduled activities to keep me busy, I sort of feel trapped. I completely understand I am free to walk into town, call my friends for a ride or grab a taxi. Yet, that feeling of “what if something happens and I’m here alone” still creeps in. I’m a very independent woman and no longer fear being alone. However, with the miscommunications with the family lately, and Al being gone, I do feel very lonely all the sudden 😥 This too shall pass.

For the moment I’m not alone, I completely forgot the housekeeper was coming today. 😆 Later today I have a “how to make pie crust” tutorial with new friends.After that a couple friends are stopping by. So, I’m shaking it off and going about life. I will still need to be careful about my communications, checking myself, for the next few days especially. Just because I feel something doesn’t always mean I need to say something. 🤐 When I do reach out to talk, or text, I must remember to keep my, feeling a bit off, or personal agenda out of it. It would also really help if I would quit being a big jerk when something doesn’t go my way. 🙄🤣

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