Today is clean out day in the yard. Thank goodness it’s small 🤣 Years of neglect mean dead trees and plants that can be a hazard for my little ladies. It’s also a great hiding place for creatures that can harm my ladies. As I was chopping away and cutting back over growth I thought about my days on the farm.
I was homeschooling and we worked a farm for extra hands on science and fresh produce/flowers. At the same time I was in a Bible study and we were discussing the farming references and what they meant. I learned a lot about pruning, in every way. Sometimes you have to cut things back, severely, for them to grow properly again. I was reminded of the last few years in the states and how badly I neglected my body, mind and soul.
I didn’t keep the over growth and dead things cleaned out and eventually it all caught up, strangling any new life and growth. I was exhausted, body, mind and soul. I no longer had hope for the future, watching mom deteriorate and my adult children struggle, brought about great fear, anxiety and depression. When Al asked do you want to dump everything and run away with me I said yes. I couldn’t keep going the way it was and frankly was terrified of what was coming next some days. A friend told me you’re not running away, you’ve done what you were supposed to, you’re running towards a new life.
So, with our 6 suitcases and 8 lb dog we left. We had to literally cut back everything, dump all the stuff and only take the baggage of life we could each carry. Kicking it old school is very cleansing sometimes. I told several friends my first year in this new season I was going to do as little as possible. I was going to sleep a lot. I would refuse to do things I hated, just to do something and wait until I got good and bored.
A few weeks ago I actually got very bored. I also had many conversations about what’s next for me. I’m still too young to do nothing, I also don’t want to. But, I’m too old to continue doing everything all day, everyday. So as I’ve cleaned up the yard I’ve thought about how much mentally and emotionally I need to clean out and dump.
We’ve dumped the clutter of possessions. Yet, the clutter of the mind must also go and it’s time. It’s time to dump the fear, anxiety, guilt, shame, anger, etc. It’s time to hope again for the future and all that it will bring, good and bad. It’s time to find something I’m passionate about and pursue it with all I have in me. Now I’m going to clean the floors one more time with a heavy duty tool. I wonder what mentally I’ll be cleaning up as I do it. #tooblessedtobestressed