I used to think menopause was much like becoming a toddler again…same basics, really….moody, tires easily, whining and crying will be daily, struggles with bladder control, very picky and overindulgent with food, hangry is to be avoided at all costs, heavy sleep sweater, impulsive yet indecisive, frustrated and angers easily… especially when learning new things or gets overheated, tired, hungry, etc……may explode into extreme drama and aggressive behaviors Today I was reminded that those toddler outbursts are the beginning of menopause, and the puberty that develops teenagers in reverse is the end, if it ever ends.  As I told my sister, “Teenagers are much like womenRead More →

So, in my life I’ve had so many fabulous friends and family say things to me that stuck out. Those wise words I ponder and roll around for sometimes years. One friend said, “You have 2 speeds…off and on!” I did not take this in any other way other than insight and accurate. If I’m on, I’m on. If I’m off, force myself to do it anyway we’re all going to pay. He knew more about me in that moment about 20 years ago than I knew myself at that time in my development. I now think about his words often as I truly struggleRead More →

There are so many things in the “Well, I never” category of life. Things I never heard, saw, did, said, etc. But in this very erratic and chaotic 2020, that has changed, and at times I find them incredibly funny. Today’s “Well, I never thought I would say this, let alone do it?” I just took a dump in my closet.” 🤣 Some will wonder how this came about, others may have already stopped reading because TMI. 🤣   At the beginning of the year we started having plumbing issues in our one and only bathroom. The landlady said when we’re ready, they would ripRead More →

I cannot and do not want to explain this, but here we go…Things haven’t been usual or typical for anyone globally in so many ways. The last 6 months have revealed many things I wish I never knew. I’m not alone in this, so yeah, hold on and pray.  Things have been so very different in so many ways. In-person, contact? NO, not in 2020. Reach out virtually? Well, that has its issues. Shut down and hide? You’re giving in to fear. Once again, there are real things that can cause many long-term issues, but don’t talk about it, don’t acknowledge it. Just smile and beRead More →

Today is chore day . I bathed 3 dogs, washed our bedding, swept and mopped the floor, etc. As I was stripping the bed, I had an amusing thought. How does stripping then remaking the bed become a workout routine? I get winded and sweaty while doing these things. We have an oversized king mattress requiring mattress straps for the corners. If they are not on, we wake up wondering if we’ve just been put into a body bag by accident or if the fitted sheet got us again. Getting the straps on and off is a challenge. I pictured in my head what thisRead More →

I’m not sure I can explain anything I feel at the moment. Through tears, I am trying to communicate on “paper,” so not to lash out. But my words are not grammatically correct, and some cannot hear my heart past my errors. My heart is hurting, like so many globally. My spirit has no peace hearing the horror of today’s reality globally. So, my soul and eyes can no longer hold their tears. Home to me is people, not a location. My American born and bred heart hurts. This is not the world I was raised in or recognize. I was raised by simple folkRead More →

Beginning last Wednesday, I started battling powerful negative feelings. Mostly disappointment, sadness, anger and depression. I’ve fought these negative feelings and more throughout my life, but these past few days, they genuinely have felt worse. They intensified on the way home from my rare but permitted walks. I was not able to walk all the way home. Thankful, Al picked me up and got me home after my morning outing ended suddenly and painfully with severe stomach issues. On Thursday, there was so much chatter locally and news of deaths and global issues, I was very saddened with everything I read. Then Friday morning IRead More →

This past Tuesday seemed to have been a day of lessons in miscommunications. The first was this morning’s conversation with Al. “Let me explain… No, there is too much. Let me sum up.” -Inigo Montoya I had read something online in the morning and interpreted it positively based on what little recollection of previous information I had. Al’s response to the same information was negative, because of the information he knew about the history and background of the statement made. He began to enlighten me, and at that moment I recalled hearing him explain it to me before. So I got it, and I letRead More →

Wow, today marks 2 years for us living as expats in Panama. We were a bundle of excitement, terror, happiness, sadness, and chaotic confusion this day 2018 🤣  We were also filled with hope, exhaustion, anxiety, depression, adventure and joy, all at the same time, and all in the same day. Some of those feelings stayed and some faded. Although, I never expected to be in this current Coronavirus quarantine situation and so very far from my family. In some ways the uncertainty of the future today is much like it was that very day.Read More →